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Is it just me, or has the whole world gone mad? I stop writing 'Grumps' for just three months and all hell breaks loose! It seems that without their regular dose of targeted satire to keep them restrained, leaders and senior 'persons' everywhere have gone completely out of control. Of course, I could no longer stand by and do nothing, so here it is, a new
Grump to remind the loonies to behave and to warn those waiting in the wings and licking their bloody lips with anticipation, "Watch it, we've got our eyes on you."
Am I allowed to invade Israel?
Issue 10 - March 2022
Is it OK I invaded Kashmir?
Am I allowed to invade the USA?
Sorry, you are…?
Sure! Be our guest.!
Yes, I'm talking about you Donald and you Xi and Modi. These plans for adventure holidays are NOT ACCEPTABLE and you can no longer blame the Coronavirus for causing travel regulatory confusion.
The world community knows your plans and we've had a bellyful of your inept, despotic, imbecilic leadership. I suppose, in a sense, it's
our own fault for allowing the military goons and strong men of the 52 nations on Earth being ruled by an authoritarian
regime to let them get away with it; but it's easier said than done. The trouble is, by the time we start creating a no-fly zone over Europe, it's too late!
Am I allowed to go to the party?
WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE AT HOME...
…the default position for any self-respecting despot is to attack the neighbours.
It causes a surge in nationalistic pride, boosts industrial output and, most importantly, makes everyone forget just what a monster they have amongst them.
Putin is increasingly feeling the squeeze as his nation have had enough of his 30 years of corruption and despotism. Their economy is crumbling and so he needed a distraction. However, it's likely to be short lived as draconian international sanctions kick in and banking and travel restrictions become a reality. However, the trouble with the current scenario playing out in Europe is that when someone like Putin is pressed into a corner, he has a stock of nuclear weapons to up the stakes with, and then what will we do? Well, I know what some will do...
Alert levels all over Europe are being reassessed by Governments. The British have gone rapidly from Alert Level "Miffed" to "Peeved" with the likelihood of them being raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The Russians have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance” and the last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
It's the Spanish Armada, Sir Francis
I say, what a Bloody Nuisance
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “It’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
(Given national sensitivities, I will stop here and not post the alert level categories for any other nations; call me directly if you want to see them or ask John Cleese who identified them!)
I have to say that I’m not terribly impressed with the ‘West’s” righteous indignation and barrage of sanctions in response to Putin’s adventure. Looking around, most nations tend to become very selective when it comes to standing up for their so called values, as Professor Naom Chomsky, philosopher in political science at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, states here.
If we take a tour around the world of hard liner thuggery, the Rohingyas have nothing to thank the West for, nor do Uyghurs, the Kashmiris, the Yemenis (what a mess that is) the Venezuelans, the people of Amazonia, half of Africa…oh, but of course, they don’t have the largest recoverable reserves of Uranium ore in Europe or the 2nd largest iron ore reserves in the world – the list goes on.
The thing is, the West is a bit stuck. There are now so many treaties, guaranteeing the protection of all, if a stance is not taken with Ukraine where there is no treaty, others will be encouraged to pursue their own goals with impunity. Taiwan may very well become a case in point.
Just remember, it took 20 years, trillions of dollars and 4 US Presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban. So at the end of the day, what hope is there for any us?
And all the while, people like Modi continue their progroms against Christians, Sikhs and Muslims wherever they are to be found in India, and are ignorantly feted and adored by America and Europe. What a mess!
Sorry - this has all been a bit gloomy but the fact is, there's not a lot to be cheerful about. As most countries seem to be pulling themselves together after the ravages of Covid, to have this nutcase risking a planetary conflagration is just too much.
Let's lighten up...
Some say that the best parties are the ones you can't remember. Well, there's a couple of high profile Brits who are clinging on to this one.
The important thing, though, is to make sure you get your story right!
It's so embarrassing when one's leaders become a laughing stock...
…and as we all know, liars always get found out eventually!
Depending on where you live and what you read, Covid is either getting worse and infecting record numbers or for all intents and purposes, its over, going to the ranks of flu and other tiresome annual ailments.
To my mind, one of the biggest problems remaining is the quality of testing. However they work, the tests seem to pick up almost anything and call it Covid and there you are, cursed with a positive reading when all you've actually got is a sore thumb!
And isn't it amazing how everybody's now an expert, especially the anti-vaxers? Overnight, many people went from, “I don’t understand my kid’s 6th grade math homework” to, “I’m an infectious disease expert”. Hmmm.
Let's end with some nonsense (you probably think it's all been nonsense!)...
A man dies and goes to Heaven. As he's standing at the Pearley Gates waiting his turn to go in, he notices a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter replied, "Those are Lie Clocks. Every time someone tells a lie, the hands on their clock move."
"Whose clock is that?" he asks pointing.
"That's Mother Theresa's clock, it's hands have never moved', says St Peter.
"And whose clock is that?"
"That's Mahatma Gandhi's clock, it only moved twice' says St Peter.
"Where's Boris Johnson's clock?" asks the man.
St Peter replies, "We're using it as a ceiling fan."
Not sure when there'll be another Grump, but please be careful, stay safe and don't kill sharks!
All the best
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